5 Strategies for Managing Uncertainty During COVID-19 We're all unsure what comes next. Here are some ways to approach the unknown.
From Psychology Today
By Austin Perlmutter M.D.
In the space of just a few months, the 2019 coronavirus disease (COVID-19) altered the global landscape. Billions of people are confined to their homes. As the infection flouts state and national borders, the world is unified in battle against an unseen but deadly foe.
The direct consequences of the virus grow by the day. These are measured in infections and later by deaths. At the moment, our best solution is some combination of flattening the curve, herd immunity, and scientific innovation. But while it’s likely that millions will suffer from the virus itself, billions are currently dealing with its indirect costs. One of the most significant of these is the collective strain on our mental health.
A March 2020 survey revealed that 36% of American adults are already experiencing a serious impact on their mental health due to the virus. When 1,210 Chinese respondents were polled on their mental health in early 2020, over half reported the psychological impact of COVID-19 as moderate-to-severe. Given the degree to which lives have been changed to date, it’s likely we’ll experience psychological aftershocks of COVID-19 for decades to come.
When addressing this problem, we must acknowledge that as a planet, we are anxious, overwhelmed and scared. And each of these descriptors relates to a fundamental challenge of the moment: we are painfully uncertain about what comes next.
Uncertainty isn’t always problematic. It’s part of what motivates people to play the lottery, watch a sports game or yell at someone when they give away a movie ending. But when we can’t handle uncertainty, the possibility of negative outcomes looms large in our mind. This intolerance of ambiguity is linked to higher levels of anxiety and depressive symptoms.
If uncertainty makes us uncomfortable and even damages our mental health, what should we do at a time when the future seems especially fuzzy? There are a few ways to approach this puzzle. We can reframe uncertainty, accept it, change the way we experience it or move our focus elsewhere.
Reframing (also known as cognitive reframing) is a psychological tool that helps us to see our problems from another angle. It can get us to stop perceiving the world, the future, and ourselves in an unnecessarily negative light. As it relates to the moment, we could perseverate on bad things that could happen to us or our loved ones. But if we reframe, we could instead see this period of uncertainty as an opportunity to connect with those we care about and as a powerful reminder that we’re all in it together.
We can also lean into not knowing. Mindful acceptance is the idea of paying attention to the present moment—even if it’s unpleasant—without judging or reacting to the situation. Studies have shown that using mindfulness and acceptance strategies can help with depression, anxiety, loneliness and may even lower the expression of pro-inflammatory genes.
article continues after advertisementIn a 2019 trial, a group of participants was given brief instruction on how to accept unpleasant events. They were then shown photos of negative images and told to either react as usual or to accept the negativity. When the volunteers applied acceptance strategies while viewing the photographs, they reported significantly less negative feelings. Applying this to COVID-19, it means that while we continue to participate in the global fight against the virus, we might pause before allowing our mind to become weighed down by all the things we cannot change.
Each of us experiences uncertainty in a different way. It’s not just facts; it’s how we interpret the data that determines our mental health. To this end, we know that we can change our brains so they are better able to manage stress and anxiety. In the last several years, research in a variety of fields has revealed strategies that can help us with this goal.
Exercise, for example, has long been seen as therapy for the mind. Both aerobic and anaerobic exercise programs decrease symptoms of anxiety. But it’s also been connected to changes in brain function. A 2019 study showed that 12 minutes of running were sufficient to alter connectivity patterns in the amygdala, a part of the brain implicated in anxiety.
Nature exposure is associated with general health benefits, better mental health, and alterations in brain function. One study found people who walked through a natural environment for 90 minutes had decreased activity in a part of the brain linked to mental illness compared to those walking in an urban area.
article continues after advertisementSleep is related to a variety of health outcomes. More recently, sleep issues have been tied to poor mental health, with sleep loss connected to depressed mood, anxiety, and distress. Researchers believe sleep helps reset our brain’s circuits overnight, allowing us to approach the next day with less emotional reactivity.
Finally, meditation appears to decrease multiple markers of stress, including cortisol and blood pressure. It’s also been associated with improvements in anxiety. Studies have consistently shown that these meditative practices are linked to structural changes in the brain.
While it’s helpful to consider methods of reframing, accepting, or recalibrating your response to uncertainty, it’s sometimes necessary to engage in quick refocus. To this end, you can switch your attention from the daunting lack of clarity in long-term planning to predictable, short-term outcomes. Instead of worrying about the fate of the stock market, plan and execute a quick exercise circuit. In place of fretting over potential travel restrictions next month, strategize a movie night with the family or schedule a phone call with a friend. This is all about small, guaranteed victories. When these are added up, they can offset the larger uncertainty.
At this moment, many things are outside our control. Typical routines, interactions, and financial stabilities have become distorted or even dissolved. Our health and the well-being of the people we care about can seem tenuous. Mental wellness is battered when uncertainty shakes our psychological foundations.
article continues after advertisementHere, then, is a time to look deeply at our internal philosophy and drill down to the bedrock. Regardless of the changes happening around us, we retain the ability to choose how we respond. In this trying time, we benefit from the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “life is what you make it.”
Yes, we are unsure, scared, and anxious. At the moment, there aren’t many easy answers to the virus or to its expanding ripple effects on mental health. But we should remember that despite this, there are a number of tools we can use to support psychological health, and benefiting from this information is as simple as finding even one strategy that works for you.
7 Relationship Survival Strategies During COVID-19Loving partners can rise to the occasion and keep their relationship intact.Posted May 07, 2020
From Psychology Today
By Jack Sparrow/Pexels
After many weeks at home and as we venture out and encounter additional stressors, this could be the ideal time to think about relationship survival strategies. Here are seven of them you can use to maintain positive feelings with your partner and avoid blow-ups during the current crisis.
1. Escape Space
Everyone is living under the same roof and sharing the same resources. Everyone is feeling more anxious and stressed, and probably more irritable. If you’re stuck at home and need a place to sort things out, one suggestion is that couples designate an “escape space” where either person can go to get away, relax, calm down, and think. It could be a separate room if space permits, or a spot in a shared living area where it is agreed that you or your partner can be left alone.
If an argument gets too heated, you can go to the escape space. Make an agreement with your partner to allow “escape” to avert blow-ups. The person leaving should express a need to isolate and offer a reasonable time frame to come back in a better state of mind. For example: “I’m too worked up. I need about half an hour to calm myself down and then I can come back to talk with you.”
Routines have been totally disrupted. This gives rise to the question of who is responsible for what, everything from shopping for food, preparing meals, cleaning the house, to childcare and schooling if children are home with you. Ideally, you and your partner recognize the need to make adjustments and can talk it through cooperatively. If this hasn’t happened yet, you can suggest such a discussion. If that doesn’t work, one possibility is to assume leadership by volunteering to take one additional task that had not been your responsibility before. “I’m going to be doing the dinner dishes” or “I’m going to clean bathrooms every week.” In other words, take one for the team. If nothing else, it shows commitment to confronting the challenges you face, sets a positive precedent, and builds goodwill. Usually what happens is that partners counter with their own generous offers. This can evolve into an informal and gradual negotiation of arrangements. If your division of labor remains problematic and cooperative negotiation is not your strong suit, you could start to gently ask for help, one task at a time.
3. Raise the Bar
Though it might sound simplistic and trite, it does help to privately make a commitment to “be better.” When stressed by circumstances, we sometimes get worked up, edgy, and then take it out on the person nearest us. Also, unresolved relationship issues are sometimes expressed through teasing, sarcasm, and wisecracks. None of this is ever good, but it’s even more harmful now. Commit yourself to a high standard with extra self-awareness and self-control. Don’t be grumpy and blurt out something hurtful. Be disciplined. You’ll actually feel good about yourself when you do this, and surely avoid creating bigger problems.
4. Cut Extra Slack
Misunderstandings and conflict are part of every relationship, even the best of them. Now problems are compounded because everyone is experiencing extra stress and is a bit on edge. What do you do when your partner annoys you? Normally, the ideal thing would be to either let it pass because it’s trivial or resolve the problem with good communication. But these are not normal times and you might not have good communication skills. So, this could be time to let more things pass than you would under normal circumstances. Try to dismiss little annoyances and irritations for what they are (little) and resist urges to let them percolate. Remind yourself of what you love about your partner. Think twice before blurting out resentments.
5. Positive Focus
In order to sustain a relationship when conflict arises, it’s important to have a base of goodwill and positive feelings. Now’s an excellent time to reinforce your foundation—get in touch with any and all positive feelings for your partner. To do this, you might have to put aside hurt or resentment and suspend negative thoughts. You can deal with that stuff later. Make an effort to remember what first attracted you to your partner. Think back to the good times. Think about everything you like and admire about your partner and the most wonderful times you had together. Start saying positive feelings out loud, and do it often. During the day, watch for opportunities to sneak in compliments and expressions of affection. Notice even the smallest positive things your partner does and voice your appreciation. You can also show affection with touch. You’ll be surprised how a positive focus puts minor disputes and disagreements in perspective and makes them less important.
It can’t be all work and no play, or all “let’s watch Netflix.” Many of the usual ways to have fun together are not available right now. Think of things you have done at home in the past that you enjoyed with your partner and do them. You could do some of the same stuff, but differently. Perhaps candles with dinner, or a picnic on a balcony, backyard, or front porch. Be imaginative, expand your options, and try some new things.
This crisis has given new meaning to the expression “You’re my everything.” For the time being, your partner is pretty much your everything. However, you and “your everything” can use a little something from the outside. Take advantage of the available ways to stay in touch with friends, family, and co-workers. Alone or together with your partner, you can write letters, use the telephone, or set up video calls. This will help you as a couple.
Steady the Ship
Crisis is an opportunity for partners to bond together against a “common enemy.” If you can maintain an even keel through the turmoil, you will be putting wind in your sails and heading for continued success when all this passes.
Post-Traumatic Growth During a Pandemic: Is That a Thing?Can you grow your resilience while we face COVID-19? Should you try?
From Psychology Today
By Akil Mazumder/Pexels
We are living in the midst of the worst pandemic in modern history. COVID-19 has infected more than 4 million people and caused almost 300,000 deaths worldwide. In the U.S. alone, we are close to 80,000 cases. As a result of its life-threatening potential, high levels of contagiousness, and spread throughout the world, this novel coronavirus has severely disrupted life as we know it. As journalist Ed Young writes in The Atlantic about COVID-19:
"It has crashed economies and broken health-care systems, filled hospitals and emptied public spaces. It has separated people from their workplaces and their friends. It has disrupted modern society on a scale that most living people have never witnessed."
COVID-19 is a threat to our mental health
The mental health effects of the pandemic are yet to be fully determined. The lack of personal protective equipment for health care workers and other essential workers, the fact that COVID-19 disproportionally attacks the elderly, minorities, and other vulnerable groups, as well as the big pre-existing economic gap between rich and poor exacerbates its damaging psychological effects. Journalist Mike Levine, writing for ABC News reported that:
"Last month the 'Disaster Distress Helpline' at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) saw an 891% increase in call volume compared with March 2019, according to a spokesman for the agency."
What is post-traumatic growth?
Psychological theories have long suggested that while prolonged traumas can cause untold psychological damage, there is a portion of people who report psychological growth in the face of trauma.
Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004) define post-traumatic growth as “positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances” (p. 1).
Post-traumatic growth has five facets that survivors report experiencing:
In the U.S., we are still in the initial stages of dealing with COVID-19 and so there may not be all that much opportunity for growth yet. When the crisis is over and we finally feel safe enough to process what has happened, post-traumatic growth is more likely. If the economy recovers and people are able to get jobs, they may feel stronger because of mental shifts they made or social support they received that helped them endure. When you don’t have a job and don’t know how to put food on the table, or when you have to risk your life every day in a production line, growth may be the furthest thing from your mind and that is OK.
How to promote post-traumatic growth and resilience in your own lifeFor those of us who are not in the front lines, or who feel they are out of the most acute danger, it may be useful to think about how we can consciously promote post-traumatic growth in our lives. Below are some strategies for each of the five facets: a greater appreciation for life, closer social relationships, enhanced feelings of personal strength, spiritual growth, and the recognition of new life possibilities.
Greater appreciation for life
Realizing that your life and health are not guaranteed can help you appreciate each day a little bit more. Thinking about people who are worse off than you may help you feel gratitude for being able to work from home, for having a job, or for receiving a loan from the government. Reflect on the support of your colleagues, or of your family and friends, or the resources you find on social media or on podcasts or YouTube. Think about the leadership and hard work of your state’s governor and the protection that has provided you, about the wise guidance of health officials, or the courage of journalists who tell you the truth.
Closer social relationships
This facet of post-traumatic growth may be more challenging because of social distancing guidelines or stay at home orders. Nevertheless, you may begin to feel closer to neighbors, friends, or family who regularly check up on you or whom you are able to help. Working from home may give you a bit more time to talk to friends and family members via the phone or internet. You may spend more time playing and eating with your kids or talking to your teenager.
More personal strength
When you face a difficult challenge that you eventually manage to master or even just survive, you may feel psychologically stronger as a result. Perhaps you didn’t think you could stay at home for so long or face the daily fear of getting infected if you are an essential worker. Doctors or nurses may not have realized their own inner strength to keep trying to save lives in the midst of chaos and crisis. Or you may get up each day and take care of your family despite feelings of depression or severe anxiety.
As Bob Marley said, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."
Stay-at-home orders present challenges to meeting with your spiritual or religious group in person, although Zoom can provide you with a piece of what you would normally get. If you are staying home, this could be a good opportunity to start a meditation practice, to do some spiritually oriented yoga, or to read books and listen to talks and podcasts that enhance your spiritual awareness. Perhaps you could take some time to reflect on the universe, on your sense of a higher power, or on the spiritual values that make your life meaningful. Acts of service like helping feed the hungry, making masks, getting groceries for your elderly neighbor, or helping your child can also deepen your spiritual wellbeing.
Facing a societal crisis like COVID-19 often facilitates a focus on what is most meaningful in our lives and what is less important. Reflecting on how you spend your time might help you realize that you are not making the most of life’s opportunities. You may decide you want to live a healthier lifestyle or be more present with your children. If you are struggling to survive, this may make thinking of new possibilities more challenging and so it may be something that you put off for when things are more stable.
“Although life is full of the experience of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” —Helen Keller
7+7 Strategies for Working from Home During COVID-19 How to successfully juggle work and kids without dropping any balls.
7+7 Strategies for Working from Home During COVID-19How to successfully juggle work and kids without dropping any balls.Posted
Source: Andrey Popov/ShutterstockSo, you find yourself suddenly having to work from home. Schools and daycares are closed. You not only have to continue being productive at work but also take care of and educate your children at the same time. COVID-19—thanks! What do you do?
Working from home has some advantages—no need to commute, having access to your own kitchen, being able to dress comfortably, and having more flexibility in your schedule. However, a sudden transition from the office to home may be challenging, especially if you also have children.
In this post, I offer some practical suggestions for navigating this transition from the perspective of work, family, and your wellbeing.
WorkThe following are some tips on being efficient and productive while working from home.
1. Structure and boundaries: In compiling this list of suggestions, I checked in with Heather Hall, an entrepreneur in residence at JumpStart. Hall, who has worked from home for many years and taught others how to do it, says that the most important aspects of the transition to working from home are structure and boundaries. This is necessary to “help you focus on the day, and be able to step away at the end of the day.”
3. Ask for help: In a typical workplace setting, when you are stuck on something, you can always check in with your coworkers to brainstorm about a solution. Working from home may create the feeling of having to solve every problem on your own. This increases the feelings of isolation and decreases efficiency. Use video or chat to ask your teammates for help when you need it. The ability to ask for help is crucial for your mental health as well as for your ability to do your job.
article continues after advertisement4. Flexibility: Take advantage of the flexibility that working from home offers—throw in a load of laundry in between meetings, or take a break to play with the kids as a reward for them letting you work uninterrupted (more on this later), or just take a mental health break.
5. Staying focused: Even in normal times it's not easy to stay focused on work for long periods of time. During the time of COVID-19, it is even more tempting to keep looking online or listening to the radio for the latest developments. Unfortunately, this is likely to reduce your productivity and increase anxiety. In order to stay informed without getting stuck, schedule a 15-minute news check for yourself twice a day—once in the morning and once in the evening. If you find yourself feeling anxious or distracted by searching out information about the virus, see my previous blog post on dealing with the anxiety of uncertainty.
6. Take breaks: Be sure to schedule those mental health breaks—time for lunch, and shorter 10- to 15-minute breaks throughout the day to take a walk, meditate, breathe, or just move your muscles. Muscle immobility is one of the most common reasons for muscle aches we so frequently experience while working at the computer. These are even more likely to happen if you are working at a make-shift space that lacks an ergonomic setup.
There are two kinds of movement breaks that will help: small movement and large movement. Small movement breaks do not require you to move away from your desk—just drop your hands from your keyboard to your lap, and move your upper body (roll your shoulders, gently roll your neck, twist at the waist to the right and left, stretch). Do this every 15 to 30 minutes. Large movement breaks require you to stand up and walk away from your desk. You might go for a brief walk, check-in with the kids, or do some full body stretches. Take large movement breaks every 1.5 to 2 hours. This will keep your muscles feeling better and provide you with a bit more energy and ability to focus.
7. Wind down: Once your workday is over, give yourself permission to step away and actually be done. Take stock of what went well throughout the day and what you might want to do differently tomorrow. Spend time with your family, and have time to wind down and get some sleep.
Family/kidsKids being out of school is one of the biggest challenges of working from home, especially if both parents have to work or if you are a single parent. The following are some suggestions for how to balance taking care of the kids while being able to focus on your own work.
article continues after advertisement1. Structure and boundaries: Kids benefit from structure and boundaries in the same way as adults do. If your kids are older, sit down with them to set up a daily schedule. The schedule could include some school-related or other educational activities, reading, time outside, playtime, lunch/snack times, and times to check in with you. Be sure to leave time for a break after each educational activity.
2. Offer choices: For younger kids, Heather Hall of Jumpstart suggests setting out snacks and giving them a choice of three activities (more options than that is likely to be overwhelming), such as building with Legos, watching a show, coloring, or having quiet time in their room. If they are able to spend the predetermined amount of time involved in the activity, offer a reward, such as playing a game together during your work break.
3. Ask for help: If your oldest child can help supervise the younger one(s), discuss with them how this might work and offer a reward, such as one-on-one time with you, being able to choose a movie to watch, or extra time playing a video game.
4. Social interaction: If grandparents or other relatives have a more flexible schedule, ask them to video chat with the kids during the day—reading, or telling stories, solving logical puzzles together, or just chatting. It’s a double benefit—the grandparents, who may be socially isolated otherwise, get to spend time with their grandkids and the kids are entertained. Virtual playdates with friends could work in a similar way.
article continues after advertisement5. Communicate: If both parents are working from home, discuss an arrangement where the two of you switch off between working and spending time with the kids. A morning Standup that Heather Hall suggests for your work team would also be a good idea for your family—spend 15 minutes each night or each morning going over the plan for the (next) day.
6. Accept and manage interruptions: Having a plan will help reduce chaos but will not eliminate interruptions. Kids are kids, after all. You have some options for managing the interruptions:
Tear-off tab sheet with questions
Source: Heather Hall, used with permission
article continues after advertisementAmy Husted, CMO of Wana family network and co-founder of an app called Komae, had instances just like these in mind. Komae, a babysitting coop app, is designed to connect families looking for occasional babysitting swaps. Pre COVID-19, these swaps were intended to give parents time for date nights and other self-care. The goal is different right now—they are working on helping people find necessary childcare while maintaining social distancing. Husted says: “We are encouraging people to maintain social distance, and figure out a way to swap care safely, perhaps buddying up with just one family to limit exposure … For healthcare workers, buddying up with someone who also works in healthcare, perhaps with a shift opposite to yours, to limit exposu
By Jill Leibowitz, Psy.D.
There’s a lot we don’t know about the novel coronavirus and how this pandemic will play out over time. This uncertainty creates anxiety and depression for many of us. My play therapy with children, as well as observations within my own family, informs me that our children feel it, too. But there are things we can start doing today that will help our children—and us—feel better. One of those things is to practice gratitude, or thankfulness.
Gratitude helps us cope in times of crisisGratitude, which we feel when we count our blessings and pay attention to what we have—versus what we don’t have—is linked to many positive benefits, including:
It’s still important to acknowledge negative feelings I’m not suggesting that we deny our children’s fear, loss, anger or trauma. It’s crucial for children to express their negative emotions.
In fact, children often can’t let go of negative feelings until they’ve been acknowledged by and processed with another. But once validated, it’s important to help children shift their focus to other more pleasurable experiences and memories.
Being grateful takes effortPracticing gratitude can take some work, especially at times when we are overloaded with stress in times of crisis. But even when we don’t exactly feel grateful, we can still think about what we have and be grateful for it.
One way to do this is to take time at least once a week to focus our attention on some of the good things we feel grateful for. These can range from big things, such as being healthy, to smaller, more momentary experiences, such as the cool fort the family built in the living room, a Zoom reunion, or a walk outside. The benefits of gratitude can take a few weeks to develop, but once established, they have lasting effects on the brain and on mental health overall.
Building grateful habitsHere are some simple activities we can do with our children to cultivate gratitude.
The “Good Things” JarSeveral years ago, on New Year’s Day, our family made a “Good Things” Jar. Throughout the year we would write on small pieces of paper the good things we experienced, and placed them in the jar. Each subsequent New Year’s Day, we would empty the jar and read through all of the good things we recorded throughout the year—many of which had been forgotten.
Our “Good Things” Jar helped us remember our gratitude. These positive recollections lessened the negative impact of negative memories and helped build our emotional resilience—something we are sincerely grateful for as we head into an uncertain future.
A Loneliness Epidemic: When quarantine is harder without our normal distractions from everyday loneliness
I'm pleased to offer an insightful guest blog from psychologist and colleague Patrick Lockwood. In a discussion, he offered the intriguing suggestion that the loneliness people are feeling in quarantine and COVID-related isolation is nothing new, but is exacerbated as we have exhausted the "normal" techniques we use to numb ourselves to the everyday loneliness that people constantly cope with. It was a compelling thought, and I asked him to expound on it for my readers. Patrick may be contacted through his website or on Twitter @PsychPLockwood:
We are in a long-standing loneliness epidemic in this country(1). The coronavirus pandemic is forcing us to face a problem we didn’t see coming: the actual emptiness in our lives.
Research shows a relationship between loneliness and increased risk of emotional and medical problems(2,3), and even increased mortality risk (4). For a more detailed review of the consequences of loneliness, see this other blog by Dr. Ali. To be perfectly fair, the causal link between loneliness and physical/mental health outcomes is tenuous, so take that discussion with a grain of salt. Regardless, we know that loneliness is not good for us because we’re an inherently social species and built to be connected.
Loneliness is typically a twofold problem. First, loneliness is the result of perceived unimportance (5). We need to “feel” like we matter to one another. We all know exactly what it feels like to be in a room full of people and not know anyone and feel somewhat lonely and out of place. Many times in romantic relationships people feel lonely when their partner is avoiding sexual or emotional intimacy, even though the two live under the same roof. So, in many ways, the quality of the relationship, less so the physical proximity, matters for understanding loneliness. Dozens of psychological variables impact our perceived importance: shame, guilt, trauma, abuse, neglect, attachment insecurity, cultural mismatches in values in relationships, and many more.
Second, loneliness is the result of a lack of self-understanding, specifically understanding our unique needs for connection. Lack of self-awareness is a common condition across mental health struggles. Our needs for connection are multifaceted. We’re all built differently, practically speaking there are hundreds of variables that can affect the way we process being separate from other people: personality (introversion vs. extroversion), habits/hobbies, culture, context, extant mental health issues, to name a few.
Once we understand our needs and we feel important, we tend to act on them and get our needs met.
Now that I’ve given my take on loneliness, let me offer a 3-part theory about the interaction between loneliness and our ever-changing psychosocial landscape:
1. Life is stressful. Even though (overall) our world in the US is much better than it has ever been (prior to the Pandemic), people seem to be much more stressed out. For the last 10 years in the US more and more people are working, and working overtime (even when we’re away from work). We live in a very fast-paced society, often with mismatching employee-manager perception of optimal job demands or workflows, which often results in disengagement and burnout. There’s also significant political stress in the US, with never ending arguments about conservative vs. liberal policies, Donald Trump’s latest tweets, and upcoming elections.
article continues after advertisement2. We often cope poorly with stress, for example sometimes relying on instant alleviation of distress via “checking out” by spending lots of time on social media. What people call “escapism.” There are plenty of ways to engage in escapism, the most common examples are drugs, social media, overworking, streaming service overuse (e.g. “Binge-watching”), and excessive video game use. If we’re spending more time using escapist skills, how much time is left over for in-person relationships. This is not to rehash the highly contested “smart phone addiction” hypotheses. It’s simpler than that: we have great instant gratification tools, which are low cost in the short term (emotional cost is low compared to investing in a person). It’s reasonable to want an easier way to cope, but at what long term cost?
3. If we are “escaping” too much, then maybe we have devalued our in-person relationships. More time online or in the bar, less time with close friends/family/romantic partners building quality relationships. For example, if you’re a regular in the online tribalism game (i.e., politics or religion or philosophical or economic ideology wars), then this online life can become a significant part of your socializing. We don’t see it happen. Slowly and subtly over time we put more importance on our escapism habits, which automatically detracts from our real-life relationships. With this shift towards an online life for many, plus all of the stress mentioned above, and other forms of escapism…it seems like COVID-19 left us in a weird place. We were once able to distract ourselves with hobbies, the bar (superficial because of intoxication), vacations, social media, or overly packed work schedules before, but now we can't. Those distractions were great when we could balance them out with easy access to real people. Now some are feeling the pain (loneliness), wanting more out of their less than satisfying connections (due to absence of depth and perceived importance).
If we are slowly/subtly focusing too much on distractions and workplaces, and too little on optimal in person connection (the core of our psychosocial survival needs), then maybe we are running on a connection deficit, possibly worsening quarantine life for many. Fear also seems to play a role here, like we are afraid that we can’t survive being lonely. I’ve written about fear, and how unrealistic/mismanaged fear makes our society a worse place to live and easily leads to escapist coping. The bigger issue is the loneliness though.
What’s the upside?
Is social media bad? Not at all, in fact it has a number of upsides. We can also feel connected via Zoom or a phone call even if it’s not ideal, face-to-face connection. What does this all mean? I don’t know. It’s just a theory. Some elements apply to some people, but not all. Plenty of people have healthy relationships with alcohol, video games, sex, social media, and the other escapist tools.
article continues after advertisementMy hopeful take is this: we can come out the other side of this epidemic in a better psychological state. We can choose to take our loneliness and escapism issues seriously, and might even find the cure for the loneliness epidemic: real connection.
by Tiffany Schupanitz, LMHC
Have you found yourself in a relationship where one day your partner is sending you all the right signals and communication? He is flirty and interested in learning about you. He says all the right things to increase attraction. Then, out of the blue, the communication and attention stops. You find yourself wondering what you might have done or said that would cause the loss of attraction. When you are ready to give up after the last unanswered text, he suddenly resurfaces as though nothing has happened. This is a very common trend in the dating world that contributes to the feeling that you are on an emotional rollercoaster.
If this is a pattern that you have started to recognize that has begun to cause anxiety, pain, and stress, then it is never to late to set clear boundaries. A relationship should encourage feelings of stability and security. This requires consistent communication. It is important to set the expectation of what consistent communication looks like for you in a relationship. Relationships should also include mutual effort. If one partner is overextending and doing more work, then it can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness toward the other partner. It is not either partner’s responsibility to manage the other party’s emotions. Self-care and firm boundaries around this are important.
If this relationship is causing pain and stress, then it may be time to turn inward to explore what is keeping you engaged in this behavior and if this is a relationship you want to pursue. The expectation that the other person is going to change is unrealistic, so it may be time to set boundaries and focus on what you can change to change the cycle. This may cause some fear that the relationship will end, but it may be possible that this will teach what you are truly looking for in a relationship. Therapists are available via telehealth and in person sessions to help navigate through relationship struggles.
For many Americans, life has changed drastically in just a few days. Your work may have closed, events are canceled, and many shops and businesses have stopped or reduced normal operations. But many people who live alone are also about to face another concern: loneliness.
As the calls for social distancing increase across the country, you may be worrying about the days to come. If you live in an area that already has many cases of COVID-19, you may have already spent days or weeks at home with nowhere to go.
You may, at some point, start to wonder if spending some time with a few friends is really so bad. You might also believe there’s no harm in going out, if restaurants and bars in your state are still open, since you’re young and healthy and will only face mild symptoms if you even contract the virus at all.
This new coronavirus is a serious threat. No matter how lonely or healthy you feel, avoid giving in to the temptation to hang out in a group or go out to eat. You could easily spread the virus, if you have an asymptomatic case, or contract it and spread it to others, even if you don’t seem to sicken yourself.
Right now, it’s best to stay home unless you’re running a necessary errand, like grocery shopping or going to work if you can’t telecommute. But isolation can be distressing, especially isolation of an indeterminate length, and it’s possible social distancing will remain standard practice for some time.
Isolation and loneliness may challenge you, but know your actions will help keep you, and anyone else you might encounter, in good health.
SIGNS YOU’RE EXPERIENCING COVID-19 LONELINESSIt must be acknowledged: If you live alone, you’ll most likely experience some distress during COVID-19 social distancing, self-isolation, or quarantine. Extroverts, introverts, and everyone in between are bound to have some challenges coping with prolonged, enforced isolation.
Even if you ordinarily feel fine going without human contact for several days, you typically know you have that option available. But now you can’t read at your favorite coffee shop, meet a date for a drink, play group sports, or go to your game night. This interruption to your routine can make you feel somewhat at a loss.
Some people can cope with isolation fairly easily, but others have a harder time managing loneliness. Isolation can have a negative impact on mental health, if you don’t act to address it.
Look out for these key signs:
But keeping your distance from friends and loved ones doesn’t mean you have to cut off contact entirely. In fact, the opposite is recommended: If you aren’t spending face-to-face time with loved ones, increasing your text, telephone, letter writing, and video chat interactions can help combat your loneliness.
Think of it as physical distancing rather than social distancing, and try these tips to stay connected:
Stay in touch with friends and familyEven if you can’t physically spend time together, prioritize the contact you can have: text messages, phone calls, FaceTime or Skype. Spending virtual “time” with the people you care about may not feel exactly the same, but it can still help counter the worst of your loneliness.
In particular, reach out to older relatives and loved ones who may not be able to set foot outside their house at all. Remind them of your love and affection and encourage them to follow isolation requirements for their own safety. This has the double impact of reducing isolation for you both.
Limit social media useWhile social media apps can be a good way to connect with your network of friends and family, spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram could make you feel worse. Seeing photos of people enjoying time with their family or roommates could increase feelings of loneliness, for example. Making posts that don’t get many comments or responses could also trigger feelings of anxiety or depression.
There’s no need to avoid social media entirely. Just stay aware of how it affects your mood and move on to a different activity if you start to notice a negative impact.
Get to know your neighborsYes, you need to maintain a physical distance of 6 feet from other people. But don’t let that stop you from talking to your neighbor across the hall or from your back patio. As long as you’re both healthy, you can even sit and talk outside, as long as you keep your distance.
Consider fostering or adopting a petAre pet shelters in your area are still operating? Do you know someone who needs to find a home for a cat, dog, or other small creature?
If your financial circumstances and living situation allow, finding a furry friend could help you avoid loneliness during COVID-19 social distancing. Pets offer companionship and love, with no strings attached. By bringing home a pet, you’re also helping relieve the burden on shelters, who may be financially strapped or lack volunteers during this crisis.
If you aren’t sure about making a long-term commitment to pet adoption, you might also consider temporarily fostering an animal in need. Many pet owners who become ill or need to spend time in the hospital will need someone to care for their pet.
Just remember to create a plan for your pet’s care, whether you already have a pet or plan to adopt, in the event that you get sick.
If you’re in good health but can’t have a pet or don’t feel able to adopt, you might ask your local shelter if they need volunteers.
Stay physically activeYes, in most cases, you can still get outside! Exercise and sunlight can improve your mood and offer additional physical and emotional health benefits during times of stress.
When you don’t have much else to do, long walks can offer opportunities for mindfulness, appreciation of the wider world, and even meditation on the go. Jogging, biking, and skating are all great activities, too. Keep your distance, but increase your sense of connection with your community by smiling, waving, or greeting others you pass—even if you normally tend to avoid eye contact. Compassion and solidarity are more important now than ever before.
Just practice good hygiene: take care not to touch things, carry hand sanitizer, and wash your hands often.
REMAINING POSITIVE DURING A PANDEMICThe coronavirus pandemic may be one of the most challenging events you’ve experienced. Living alone, without friends or family members to offer comfort and support, may only worsen feelings of fear, anxiety, and unease.
But take heart in the fact that your isolation won’t last forever. It’s tough to be alone, but remember the reason: By keeping your distance, you’re doing your part to help reduce the spread of the virus and protect yourself and your loved ones. Keeping this goal in mind can help reduce the distress of COVID-19 social distancing.
It’s always a good idea to talk to a mental health professional if you experience intense distress, despair, or hopelessness, or if you have thoughts of suicide. Find a therapist who offers telehealth services on GoodTherapy today!
A TELEHEALTH SOLUTION FOR MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALSAs therapists and other mental health professionals navigate life right now, we know and understand how current events may be impacting your professional commitments to the patients you care for, your own family, and your personal well-being. We want to help you maintain as much normalcy as possible during the next few weeks. If you’re ready to pick up sessions right where you left off, we’re so excited to share that we’re officially offering our members (on select plans*) free telehealth. We hope this closes the gap and eases social distancing for you and your patients. Learn more and get started here.
*Included at no cost for Annual and Annual Billed Monthly membership plans. Monthly members have access at no charge for 90 days then will billed $9.99/month after the trial period ends.
© Copyright 2020 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust
The current coronavirus pandemic has made us all intensely aware of the fragility of our physical health. Consequently, we’ve quickly adopted behaviors such as sheltering in place and face masks to protect us from becoming ill.
article continues after advertisementHowever, relatively little has been said about how this crisis is exacerbating mental health problems. It’s important for us to remember that mental health influences physical health, and vice versa.
This is not just a public health crisis; it is a mental health crisis.
In reality, we’re being forced to face life (and ourselves) without the usual endless distractions of work, chores, and entertainments that normally fill our days. It can be challenging.
Therapists like myself are seeing an increase in clients who, because of physical and social distancing or being cooped up 24/7 with family members or partners, are experiencing increased depression and anxiety. People with a history of alcohol or drug abuse are unable to turn to the things that always have helped them stay sober such as going to meetings or the gym or socializing with friends. Consequently, they’re scared of relapsing and turning to old habits to cope.
Those who are obsessive-compulsive disordered around cleanliness and germs are particularly vulnerable these days. Clients are reporting distress over cleaning, vacuuming and washing things repeatedly more than ever before. It’s debilitating for them and those around them who are being affected by the increase in OCD behaviors. Clients are reporting they can’t relax, feeling like covid -19 is everywhere.
Some people actually are medically sick and it’s affecting their mental health. Those with compromised immune systems such as those living with asthma, hypertension, AIDS or HIV+ to name a few are reporting feeling like damaged goods. They already go throughout the world feeling vulnerable and this is exacerbating their vulnerability.
Fear of Having Symptoms
Others aren’t ill but the situation is causing them to feel unwell and increased anxiety. During the AIDs crisis, I remember people imagining that they were experiencing some AIDs-related symptoms and were alarmed, convincing themselves that they had contracted the disease. Now with this Covid-19 crisis, someone may get a sore throat or a cough or feel short of breath and become terrified that they’re coming down with the disease. Doctors are seeing more patients today experiencing such symptoms, which very often are just symptoms of anxiety. Of course, the more anxiety one experiences, the more symptoms like shortness of breath one is likely to have. For those suffering with hypochondriasis it’s nearly the perfect storm.
And here’s another interesting potential reason for anxiety: Suddenly we’re becoming more aware of how many years we’ve lived. Where just a few weeks ago people might have said “Sixty is the new forty,” I’ve recently heard this expressed as “Forty is the new sixty,” even though the data shows that Covid-19 deaths are happening all over the age spectrum. People are talking in therapy rooms about feeling their older ages in ways they haven’t before.
Childhood memories come to us mostly unconsciously. This where therapy is helpful for people to see and become conscious of how they are recycling their childhood in the present. Being cooped up, either alone or with others, can sometimes bring out the worst in us, such as unresolved childhood issues. It may remind us of being grounded, of being stuck in the house with a highly dysfunctional or sick parent and feeling like we had nothing to look forward to.
I have had clients tell me they went and bought too many groceries even though they had enough in their home—and even had a meal service bringing them food—because they feared food scarcity that was real in their childhood. Another client told me he is worried about his spouse catching it and dying, or worse, him bringing the virus into the home and exposing his spouse and killing her. Going back into his childhood, he always felt responsible for his mother’s death when he was 12. Yet another client is worried about spending and money given what is happening in this economy but is fighting with his partner over spending money on things necessary for the home. He is reliving the poverty in which he grew up where his family had money and after a business loss the family had nothing.
I am a relationships and sexual health therapist, and some of my clientele fall into the LGBTQ category, a group with real reason for concern. Studies show that these folks are more likely than the general population to have compromised immune systems (higher rates of asthma, and self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, more of them smoke cigarettes, further compromising their immune system). Only 17 percent of them have health insurance. For them, times like these are particularly dangerous and stressful, and I fear that too many will not seek the help they need. These statistics are according to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).
Looking Through New Eyes
However, this may end up actually being good for us all. If we can have the presence of mind and courage to step back and see this crisis with new eyes, as Proust said in the opening quote, we may begin to see an opportunity to become our better selves. This requires that we begin to move out of fear toward growth, leaving behind a tendency to spread fear and anger to others, and move toward living in the present, focusing on the future, having empathy for ourselves and others, and better adapting to change.
Therapy can help. Many therapists, including me, have taken this opportunity to get involved in Telehealth; that is, working with clients remotely over the Internet. It is a great way to practice physical/social distancing while providing one-on-one counseling.
When someone is experiencing dire physical symptoms, it is wise for them to call their doctor and make an appointment. If they are in the throes of depression or anxiety, however, it’s an excellent time to reach out to a professional therapist and begin to unravel the knots that are at the roots of our mental and emotional discomfort.
Be safe, smart, and kind to others during this time … and remember, we all need one another.
By Amy Quinn, MA, MS, LMFT
In light of recent developments with the rapid spread of the coronavirus, many parents are now working at home while at the same time schooling their children at home. There is little opportunity to leave the house and engage in activities that were once a part of the normal routine for separating from the daily stress of work or school life. Now more than ever, seeking to achieve separation from work for adults as well as school for kids requires purposeful action.
Dealing with job or school demands can drain an individual’s resources. If these resources are not replenished during recovery time, then the person is at risk for burnout. Burnout is a condition that affects employees when they are under stress over long periods. Burnout is the result of depleted resources due to job demand and little or no action in replenishing these resources. Two major features of burnout include emotional exhaustion and feeling ineffective in one’s ability to perform their job duties (Greenberg, 2002).
In order to prevent parents from burning out from the increased demands of their new responsibilities of schooling their children at home and possibly maintaining their own work, one can apply burnout prevention research to their current situation. In addition, children can adopt these strategies in their daily routine to keep mentally and physically healthy during this time. The most replenishing activities for a person in their recovery time, according to research, includes taking frequent breaks, psychological detachment, relaxation, and mastery and control (Brough et al., 2014).
4 TIPS FOR WORK-LIFE BALANCE AMID THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC
Tip 1: Take frequent breaks throughout the day and on weekends.
Why: Dealing with job demands can drain an individual’s resources, which are replenished during recovery time. Research indicates that breaks throughout the work day and on weekends are crucial to surviving stress (Landsbergis et al., 2012).
How to do this during mandatory stay at home orders:
Cardiovascular activities for short spurts throughout the day. Take a walk, ride a bike, or go for a run. If you can’t go outside, try finding a workout video that incorporates exercise you can do in your home.
Use your weekends to recover from work and school stress. If you can go outside with the family, spend time riding bikes, going for walks, or doing an outdoor activity like playing catch. If you cannot go outside, play card games, board games, charades, or activities that provide your brain a way to detach from work or school stress (Csikszentmihalyi & LeFevre, 1989).
Do homework or work on weekends. If possible, don’t check work emails during the weekend. If your situation does not allow for this, try to designate one hour each day of the weekend to not engage in work or school activities.
Tip 2: Psychologically detach from work and school.
Why: Sonnentag and Fritz (2007) found that people who were able to detach from their jobs (i.e. turn on the off button) after working had higher well-being. These people were also more satisfied with their jobs and experienced less emotional exhaustion and burnout. While we currently can’t physically leave our office place or home school, there are scheduling segmentation tactics that we can implement during the work day to prevent work-related issues from intruding into recovery time.
How to do this during mandatory stay at home orders:
Find a time during the day where you “leave work” or “leave school.” Perhaps you make an announcement to your kids, “School is over for the day!” For yourself, maybe you have a designated time during the day or evening where you stop working and don’t come back to your work until the next day.
Schedule times of the day where you allow yourself alone time. If your situation prevents you from having alone time due to the age of your children, perhaps turn on a screen for your children for an hour so that you can temporarily detach from your demands.
Check work emails before bed, and if possible, don’t keep your phone on at night. This allows for sleep cycles (an important recovery time) to be uninterrupted by outside demands.
Tip 3: Meditate.
Why: Research on worrying—a concept linked with hindering detachment—has shown that the amount of time people spend worrying can be reduced by intervention strategies (Sliter et al., 2014). One way to reduce worry is to implement meditation and breathing strategies when feeling overwhelmed.
Incorporate breathing exercises and meditation strategies throughout the day. There are mindfulness apps, videos on YouTube, and social media personalities that provide free breathing and meditation exercises to utilize during the day.
Have your children participate in breathing exercises, meditation strategies, and yoga practice. Several free YouTube videos have yoga exercises designed for children.
Use an excess of substances such as alcohol or cannabis. Despite the immediate effects substances can have in easing anxiety, the persistent use of this in excess over time may actually cause a person to feel more anxious and more depressed. In addition, it can prevent a person from learning to manage their stress and anxiety through healthier coping strategies like exercise and meditation (Amen & Amen, 2018).
Tip 4: Master something.
Why: Another important element of detachment from work is mastery. At work, we are often expected to be in control of our reactions, emotions, and actions. Successful recovery involves doing an activity that keeps us from thinking about the demands of work, giving us the opportunity to “let loose” and let go of that element of control. Some good activities for this include creative endeavors, sporting activities, and learning options (Hahn et al., 2011).
Try to master an activity unrelated to work or school. Perhaps it is a musical instrument, a sport, art, a blog, or a dance routine. Research shows that these types of activities allow the brain to detach from outside demands and use creative regions in the brain that are not utilized during school or work activities.
Encourage your family members to engage in their own mastery activities.
Use social media as a mastery activity. Mastery involves control over one’s activities, and often, social media is a place that one cannot control their environment or what comes across on their daily news feed. Try to avoid using social media as your only outlet from work or school demands. In fact, many studies have indicated that people who spend more time on social media have increased rates of depression (Chowdhry, 2016).
While these strategies seem simple, how often do we implement them? Difficulty managing stress has been linked to burnout, physical health problems, and mental health problems. By implementing small changes throughout your day, you can help prevent poor health outcomes for you and your family members.
We may not be able to control what happens in our day-to-day experiences at home, but we can implement daily, practical interventions that lead to overall well-being during this challenging time. If you are having a hard time coping with the current demands of your work or family life, please consider talking to a therapist.
© Copyright 2020 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Amy Quinn, MA, MS, LMFT, therapist in Newport Beach, California
I write articles based on my experience as a therapist or a training or conference attendee. Many of these articles are written by others who are experts in their field and I share their information as resources for others.